"I Owe My Soul to the Company Store."

I can't help but replay this old Johnny Cash tune in my mind as I make my way to Costco for the third time in six days. My mental state is such that I can't go anywhere else to get goods, simply because my mind will berate me for making such a foolish choice when Costco is clearly the better consumer option. Selection, price and quality make it a hands-down favorite. What kills me is the quantity. I RARELY get out of Costco without dropping a hundred bucks. More often than not, its over double that.

Which leads me to my moral dilemma: as someone with religious conviction, I donate 10% of my income to charity; however, when I add up the total of all the money I spend at flipping Costco, the amount spent at Costco trumps my charitable contributions. Can a man, or a woman for that matter, serve God and mammon? The answer is no. So it begs the question, "who am I serving?" It seems that my need for massive amounts of Hebrew National Franks, muffins and no-pulp Tropicana Orange juice is trumping my need to administer to the needs of those around me. I don't hunger and thirst after righteousness nearly as much as I do for giant, ruby grapes, Greek yogurt or the huge box of single-serving Pringles.

What is a sinner like me to do? Perhaps Costco would be kind enough to set up a small shrine at the entrance of the warehouse for those of us who worship there to burn incense or cross ourselves at an icon. Perhaps prayer mats could be sold at the front of the warehouse. At the very least, we're allowed put our name on a shamrock denoting our good deeds for the Childrens' Miracle Network once a year and call it good. But somehow, I still don't feel good. It doesn't assuage my guilt. St. Peter still can't call on me. Because, in spite of my most concerted efforts, I continue to worship the Warehouse God of fresh strawberries, giant stacks of paper products and irresistible chocolate-dunked, almond-covered, ice cream bars. There is little hope for me. I am a lost soul. Or rather, I sold it...to the company store.